A Whatnots2 Christmas Movie

Ancient Aliens

From watching the TV show “Ancient Aliens,” I am 100% sure that there’s more aliens on earth then humans.

I Buried Paul

Bread

"The bread is getting smaller."
                              Zapple100

"NEW"

Tom Waits

“I’m so horny the crack of dawn better watch out.”

                            Tom Waits

As I See It

 Mick Jagger finally came out and said what everybody knew but didn’t want to say. “Nobody wants to hear the new songs.” Why is that? When you hear an old song it brings back memories of your youth. You and your friends driving around trying to pick up girls. It brings back good times. If you’re in your 60′s and you hear a new Stones song that rocks, you sit on your couch and say, “it’s not bad.” Not the best memories.
 So what are these new bands doing today. They’re building memories, so 20 years from now people will go to concerts and say, I remember when that song came out.

DVD Player

After about 5 years of asking my mother if she wanted a DVD player, she finally said yes. The ladies by where she lives are starting to have a movie night once a week. My mother has a bad back and it’s hard for her to get around. So the ladies said they would have it over her place so she didn’t have to go up and down the stairs. I burn a Frank Sinatra concert for her. Then I went to the store, bought a DVD player and took it to her place to hook it up. I’m explaining to her how to work the DVD player. We’re standing by the TV and the Sinatra concert starts to play. My mother is standing half a foot away from the TV, with a big smile on her face watching the TV screen. After about a minute, I said to her, “Why don’t you come and sit down.” She would have stood there for the whole show if I didn’t say anything.
Now I’m gonna burn a Louis Prima DVD for her and when I go there next Saturday, we’ll watch it.

The Jorma Burger

If I get overtime, sometimes I go to The Bagel Doctor for breakfast. Every once in awhile there’s this guy working behind the counter who looks like =
a young Hot Tuna Jorma Kaukonen. He’s talking to me and I can’t understand him, he has to repeat everything. Part of it is my fault cause it’s been so busy at work, I’ve been out of it. My eggs are cooking and he’s ringing me up and asked me if I was going. The way he said it, it sounded like something big was happening and everybody was going and he wanted to know if I was going. So I said, “going where?” Then he said, “you going to eat here or go.” So I said I’m going.
When I left the guy was probably thinking, whats wrong with this guy.

Lennon's Klaatu Remark

"Klaatu Mania will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right. We're more popular than Klaatu now."

The Great Sphinx Of Long Island

Crop Circles

Doesn’t anybody find it funny that aliens would travel millions of miles through space just to come here just to make art in a field? The people that have  made these circles admitted it and some people still think it’s aliens. Is this some kind of alien TV show, “Crop Circles From Earth.”  “We’re down to the Final Four so stayed tuned.”
Let’s think about this:
Alien Kid: Mom, can I have the spaceship tonight?”
Alien Mom: “OK, but don’t go to Earth and make crop circles.”

What I Learned From Pro Wrestling

I’ve been a wrestling fan since I can remember. Back then it was on UHF, I think channel 47, the Spanish-speaking channel. I had the bow-tie antenna to get it. When the picture came in fuzzy, I got some foil and wrapped it around it and moved it around till I can make out what was going on the TV screen. Sometimes I had to guess what was going on but Vince McMahon, who was just an announcer at the time, told you what was going on. Back then, wrestling fans thought it was real. The promoters told you it real and I knew it was real. Anybody that told me it was fake, I let them have it.
Well I remember when Jimmy Valiant was teaming with Chief Jay Strongbow. The was before Jimmy tagged with his brother Luscious Johnny Valiant. Strongbow and Valiant were a good team together and I knew they were going to win the tag team title. I’m watching it one Saturday night, Valiant is teaming with Strongbow and the unthinkable happens, Valiant turns on Strongbow. Holy Shit! They were the best of friends and this happens. How could this happen. Then McMahon says that Valiant has been hanging around with Captain Lou Albano before the show.
All this happened in the 1960′s and I still remember it and it left an impression on me. The lesson here, watch your friends. Who knows what can happen.

Bob Dylan On The Moon

Stevie Wonder boycotts Florida after Zimmerman verdict

Who cares.

Ancient Aliens

Peace Sign, Aliens and UFO’s

Well, I just got my new Salt and Pepper Shaker in the mail the other day. Look at that alien, what’s he doing. He’s giving the peace sign. This goes to prove that there’s some kind of connection between the peace sign and aliens. I don’t know what it is yet. One theory I’m working on is all those girls that give the peace sign are either under some spell from aliens or, it’s really a sign between alien agents.
 I’m gonna keep digging till I get to the bottom of this.

This I Believe

 by Robert A. Heinlein

"I am not going to talk about religious beliefs, but about matters so obvious that it has gone out of style to mention them."

"I believe in my neighbors."

"I know their faults and I know that their virtues far outweigh their faults. Take Father Michael down our road a piece --I'm not of his creed, but I know the goodness and charity and lovingkindness that shine in his daily actions. I believe in Father Mike; if I'm in trouble, I'll go to him. My next-door neighbor is a veterinary doctor. Doc will get out of bed after a hard day to help a stray cat. No fee -- no prospect of a fee. I believe in Doc."

"I believe in my townspeople. You can knock on any door in our town say, 'I'm hungry,' and you will be fed. Our town is no exception; I've found the same ready charity everywhere. For the one who says, 'To heck with you -- I got mine,' there are a hundred, a thousand, who will say, 'Sure, pal, sit down.'
"I know that, despite all warnings against hitchhikers, I can step to the highway, thumb for a ride and in a few minutes a car or a truck will stop and someone will say, 'Climb in, Mac. How how far you going?'
"I believe in my fellow citizens. Our headlines are splashed with crime, yet for every criminal there are 10,000 honest decent kindly men. If it were not so, no child would live to grow up, business could not go on from day to day. Decency is not news; it is buried in the obituaries --but it is a force stronger than crime."
"I believe in the patient gallantry of nurses...in the tedious sacrifices of teachers. I believe in the unseen and unending fight against desperate odds that goes on quietly in almost every home in the land." 
"I believe in the honest craft of workmen. Take a look around you. There never were enough bosses to check up on all that work. From Independence Hall to the Grand Coulee Dam, these things were built level and square by craftsmen who were honest in their bones." 
"I believe that almost all politicians are honest. For every bribed alderman there are hundreds of politicians, low paid or not paid at all, doing their level best without thanks or glory to make our system work. If this were not true, we would never have gotten past the thirteen colonies." 
"I believe in Rodger Young. You and I are free today because of endless unnamed heroes from Valley Forge to the Yalu River."
"I believe in -- I am proud to belong to -- the United States. Despite shortcomings, from lynchings to bad faith in high places, our nation has had the most decent and kindly internal practices and foreign policies to be found anywhere in history." 
"And finally, I believe in my whole race. Yellow, white, black, red, brown --in the honesty, courage, intelligence, durability....and goodness.....of the overwhelming majority of my brothers and sisters everywhere on this planet. I am proud to be a human being. I believe that we have come this far by the skin of our teeth, that we always make it just by the skin of our teeth --but that we will always make it....survive....endure. I believe that this hairless embryo with the aching, oversize brain case and the opposable thumb, this animal barely up from the apes, will endure --will endure longer than his home planet, will spread out to the other planets, to the stars, and beyond, carrying with him his honesty, his insatiable curiosity, his unlimited courage --and his noble essential decency." 
"This I believe with all my heart." 

Steve Miller Band

 Just got off from work and passed "Bagel Doctor." I always passed it but never
went it. Today I checked it out. I'm wearing my old "Steve Miller Band" T-shirt.
I gave the girl behind the counter my order, and then she said to , "I thought I
was the only one to still have one of those. You're showing your age." We
started talking about bands and shows we went to. She said she saw "Blue Oyster
Cult." I said I saw them at the Nassau Coliseum. She said she saw them in some
little bar before they became big and started following them around.
After I got my bagel and coffee, I'm walking out and she yells out "Rock On."

Girls and the Peace Sign

What’s with girls and the peace sign? I see lots of pictures on the net with girls giving the sign. I know one girl who whenever the camera comes out, the fingers go up. No matter what, she’s giving the peace sign.  I have no idea why she does it but I find it amazing. I wonder if she knows she doing it. When she looks at the pictures, she must think that it’s just part of her.

Women’s Shoes

Why do girls wear shoes where their toes stick off the edge? Is it suppose to be sexy? Why don’t they just get a 1/2 size bigger and it would look better.

Neil Young - "On The Beach"

From The Ralph Collection of Fine Art.

Superman/Frank Zappa

Neil Young - "On The Beach"

(from the Ralph Rumpelton Collection of Fine Art)

I Sing With My Eyes Shut

People ask me why I sing with my eyes shut. I tell them, “I can see the words.” They look at me  kind of funny. Then I say, “Have you ever seen Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder use a teleprompter.” Then they really look at me funny.

Part 2 of the NRBQ Review (The Dark Side)

 There was some “dick-wad in the row in front of me off to the right with a camera. They made an announcement no flash when the concert starts. The concert starts and he’s taking pictures with the flash on. Somebody came over to him and told him to stop. Five minutes later he’s taking pictures with the flash again. Same guy comes over and tells him to stop. He’s playing dumb like he don’t know how the flash turned on.

 Now this “dick-wad” won’t shut up. He keeps on yelling stuff out. You figure after awhile he would get tired. He doesn’t stop. He yells stuff out and sits there with a smug face. Finally he moves to another seat but won’t shut up. At one part of the show Terry Adams (keyboard player) is telling a story about the first time he met Sun Ra. “Dick-wad” is interrupting him. Finally Terry says,”What was I talking about before I was so rudely interrupted. “Dick-wad” yells out “Sun Ra.” A bunch of people start yelling at him telling him to shut the fuck up. He just sat there with that smug look. When the music started, he started yelling stuff out again.

 Then there was a girl in the audience, another dumb ass. When Terry was telling the Sun Ra story, she yelled out, “Is this a concert or lecture?” People starting yelling at her to shut up.

 Terry Adams really spoke once during the show for about three minutes, and I think it was to give the band a chance to catch their breath.

 When I bought tickets online, it looked like it was almost sold out. When the concert started, I see Terry looking up at the back of the theater. The Boulton Center is a really nice theater that holds 250 people. Not a bad seat in the place. When the concert was over, I turned around and saw the whole top was empty. There must have been 125 people there.

NRBQ

Just came back from seeing NRBQ. What a great show. Terry has a good band with
him:
Scott Ligon – Guitar, vocals
Casey McDonough – Bass, vocals
Conrad Choucroun – Drums, vocals
and the Whole Wheat Horns
Klem Klimek – Sax, Tambourine, vocals
Tom Q. – Trombone, Maracas, vocals
As much as I miss Al Anderson, Scott Ligon can really play guitar and is good
singer. He sang most of the lead vocals.
The big difference I see in the “old” NRBQ and the “new” NRBQ is in the “old”
band, while Terry was the leader, the rest of the band had a big presence on
stage. In this band, You know it’s Terry’s band. Nobody did talking but him.
Some of the songs I remember:
“Little Floater”
“Hot Biscuits And Sweet Marie”
“Honey Hush”
Howard Johnson Got His Mojo Working”
“Peanuts”
“Me And The Boys”
“We Travel The Spaceways”
They also did a couple of Jazz numbers and two County numbers that the names
escape me at the moment.
Terry was talking about David Rose. He said does anybody know who he is? He’s
the guy who wrote the “Little House On The Prairie” theme song. He also wrote
this song, and they did:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TBrh259zig
The last song they did before the encore was
“Don’t Let Me Down” – As soon as the first notes were played I knew what song
they were doing. Scott Legon did a great lead vocal on this.
All in all, excellent show.

Joe Pepertone sliding into second

Disturbing Trend

Now that it’s warm and summer will soon be here, there is a disturbing trend that I can’t figure out. It’s the dreaded, “Sunglasses On The Baseball Hat” trend. I don’t understand this. People that do this, never put on the sunglasses anyway. It just sits on the hat. I have even seen people with two pairs of sunglasses. One for the hat and one for the face.
I have never asked anybody why they did this. It’s one of those things that if you have to ask, they’ll just look at you funny.

NY Yankees

The Yankees have the highest payroll in baseball. Not bad for a team that’s going to be a little better then 500.

 A-Roid makes more then the whole Houston Astros team. He might even play a game this year.

I Don’t Get It

I had my friend over for dinner the other day. The recipe called for three cups of water. I get out the measuring cup,fill it with water and pour it in. When I was done, I dried it off and put it away. My friend said, “aren’t you going to clean it off before you put it away.” I said, “why, I only put water in it. What do you want me to do, put more water in it to clean out the old water that was in it.” She just went on saying that I should clean it out, because it was used.
I don’t know. I don’t get it.

Johnny Trash

Is Baseball A Geeky Sport?

I was talking Fantasy Baseball with my friends the other day and I realized what a geeky sport baseball is. All we do is talk about stats and who has the better stats. One guy plays Moneyball, he goes with who has the best OBP. He stacks his team with them and he came in first, but lost in the playoffs.
Even if you know next to nothing about baseball, all you got to do is go to the rankings and fill your team with the best players available.

Ancient Aliens

One of my favorite shows is “Ancient Aliens.” I’m a big Sci-Fi guy so this is right up my ally. I believe that there’s other life out in space. We can’t be the only ones.
Some of the stuff they say makes sense and some, you got to ask yourself, “what are they talking about.” If a stone is above a certain weight and is used in a wall, it’s too big for humans to move it, so it has to be aliens who moved it with some kind of levitation device. They have no proof of this, but it as to be.
I was one episode and they had a bunch of stones in France called The Carnac Stones (no it’s not a Rock band). It’s a bunch of rocks lined up in a couple of rows for two miles. Nobody knows why they are there. Ancient Aliens says since they could be seen from the sky, they have to be some kind of marker for aliens in their ufo’s.
Now the way  I see this, if aliens are smart enough to travel 42,000 miles from planet Zippy to Earth, I’m pretty sure they don’t need a marker to go from Italy to France. There has to be some kind of GPS system built into their ships. If not, they’re going to have a long trip back home.

FM Underground

Ever wonder why back in the 70′s the DJ’s on FM spoke in that low deep voice? I know why. It was underground radio. They didn’t want the mainstream to hear them so they spoke really low. People that wee listening to FM at the time, really had to pay attention to hear what what was going on. If anybody besides the underground heard what was going on, they would have the FCC shut down the radio station.

John Lennon

Looking a little like John Lennon here.

Religion

I like when people say, “I’m not religious, but I am spiritual.” To mix them up, I say, “I’m religious, not spiritual.” Then when they ask me what I mean, I tell them I just go to church, sit there,  don’t pay attention, then leave.

Band On The Run

(from the Ralph Rumpelton Collection of Fine Art)

Tom Jones

Patient: 'Doctor, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'.'
Doctor: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome....'
Patient: 'Is it common?'
Doctor: ”It's not unusual....'

TV Bathrooms

I noticed something really funny about bathrooms on TV. HGTV has all these shows where people go to look at houses that they want to buy. Every time they go to look at a house, they walk in the kitchen, living room, bedroom and the rest of the rooms. When it comes to the bathroom, they stand outside and poke their heads in. I don’t know if it’s some unwritten TV  rule that says you can’t go into the bathroom, or they’re afraid of getting cooties.  The whole family all poke their heads in at one time.
I’m over my mother’s apartment today, watching some flip this house show and I mentioned this to her. She said that’s really funny cause one of her neighbors and his mother came over to see her apartment. When it came time to look at the bathroom, they didn’t go in, they just poked their heads in.
I’m thinking, people must think, “this is where they do their personal business, I don’t want to intrude on it. I’ll just take one quick look, say nice then move on.”

Rust Never Sleeps

(from the Ralph Rumpelton Collection of Fine Art)

The Mystery Man

(from the Ralph Rumpelton Collection of Fine Art)

The Problem With Bed Sheets

The problem with bed sheets is I always put them on wrong. If they don’t have stripes on them, I never get it on the firs,t or second try. I go to put them on and they don’t fit. So I turn them around. They still don’t fit. How could I have turned them around 360 degrees. All I wanted to do was a half turn.  How could I mess that up. My mother never had a problem with this. She throws the sheets in the air and they land the right way. I look at it, think it’s right and hope for the best.

Rust Never Sleeps

(from the Ralph Rumpelton Collection of Fine Art)

Quote

“Some people look at things and say why. I look at things and say what.”
                                                                               Zapple100

Sleeping

(from the Ralph Rumpelton Collection of Fine Art)

Halftime Show

Anybody see the halftime show with Beyonce? I was watching it with some young people and they said the same thing I said. It wasn’t that good. Too much dancing and not enough singing. And the songs she did sing, she said a lot of “come on sing.” I think that’s what she was saying, it was something like that.
When I see her, I see a third rate Tina Turner. Tina was a lot better singer,
and dancer.
 I’m watching The Beach Boys 50th Anniversary DVD and was wondering how The Beach Boys would go over at halftime.
Let’s face it, it’s a tough spot. You only get about 20 minutes, no chance to
warm up the crowd and you have to try to please all age groups. And people just want the second half to start so they want yo off as soon as possible.

Endless Summer

(from The Ralph Rumpelton Collection Of Fine Art)
I got this in an Email the other day from Ralph Rumpelton. He’s really on a roll.
He calls it “Grog, Gred and Henry go surfin’”

Cooking With Hot Water

I’m in the middle of making Hamburger Helper and noticed something I haven’t noticed before. In the directions it says to add 31/4 cups of hot water. Now why does it have to be hot water. In a minute it’s going to be boiling anyway.

Bob Dylan And His Mom

NY Mets . Brian Wilson

I hear The Mets are going after Brian Wilson. The way The Mets are run, they'll
end up with The Beach Boys Brian Wilson and not know the difference.

Soon To Be Famous Quote

After ringing up my food bill, Kathy The Cashier said, “Thirty Eight dollars even, that’s odd.”
Somehow, I get the feeling that Kathy is related to Yogi Berra.”

Paul McCartney

From the Ralph Rumpelton Collection of fine art.

Porn Movies

Know what I like about porn movies. Not the sex, that gets boring after awhile. I like when they overdub the sound. Guy and girl will be going at it nice and slow, and you hear all this screaming. The girls mouth isn’t moving, but there’s screaming going on. Then she starts talking dirty, with her mouth closed.
When I hear all that, I think they must be filming another movie in the next room.  That’s the one I want to see.