Bill Wyman - "Monkey Grip"

Painting by Ralph Rumpelton

by Steve Kurutz

The great thing about a solo album from someone like Bill Wyman, of the Rolling Stones, is that quality musicianship and high-profile guest appearances are all but a given. The unfortunate aspect, though, is that the Stones bassist was never known for his songwriting. In the case of Monkey Grip, the first claim holds true (with guest appearances by Dr. John, Lowell George, and Leon Russell, the album is a solid affair musically), while the issue of Wyman's songwriting ability leaves the listener pleasantly surprised. Granted, there aren't any moments where you ask yourself, "why didn't this song appear on a Stones album?" but tracks such as "I Wanna Get Me a Gun," "White Lightnin'," and "I'll Pull You Thro'" are propelled with a laid-back groove that is surprisingly catchy. And, unlike Wyman's famous stone-faced stage demeanor, his singing is loose and joy-filled. Though these types of albums can be self-absorbed affairs, Monkey Grip is meant to be a relaxed, unpretentious outlet for the compositions that would never see the light of day in Wyman's main band -- and, as a credit to the bassist, it comes off exactly that way.

Texting

I was in Manhattan last Sunday and saw something I thought was funny. I'm outside Madison Square Garden sitting down waiting for a friend. Three girls walk by me, sit down and sit start texting. They don't say a word to each other, they ignore each other. They act like they're in their own little world with nothing going on outside. When they're done texting, they get up and leave.

I see stuff like this all day in the city. Not just with kids, grownups also. People standing around in a circle texting. This goes on non-stop. They're standing in a circle texting people not talking to anybody, then when they go out at night, the text the people they were standing around with. Then when they go to work the next day, they stand in a circle with the people they texted, not talking to them and text the person they went out with last night.

This is something like Facebook. You can post messages all day on your friends page, then when you see them later, you don't talk about it.

The Store Bathroom

I was in Manhattan today and I had to find a bathroom. I’m in J&R Music World doing some shopping and I remember they had a bathroom in one of their buildings. So I go in the building where it was and they had the stairs to it chained off. After searching I finally found where they moved it to. It’s one bathroom that both guys and girls use. I get there and there’s two girls on line in front of me knocking lightly on the bathroom door. I ask them how long they’re waiting on line. They say about 15 minutes. When they knock, nobody answers. I figure 15 minutes is more then enough time to do your business in there. It’s not your home bathroom, it’s the store bathroom and people are waiting, like me. So I start banging on the door. I didn’t hear nothing on the other side. I thought the guy. So I keep on banging on the door.

The girls leave and I’m next. Finally I hear the toilet flush and the sink water run. Finally, the guy comes out and is pointing at a sign on the door that said there’s other bathrooms in the store. I start yelling at the guy, “What did you do, fall into the bowl?” I don’t think he spoke English, he started to mumble something as he was walking away.

I meet my friend outside the door and told her what happened in there. She told me she hates when people knock on the door when she’s in there. I told her, “If I was in line in back of you and you were in there for 15 minutes, I get the store manager and tell them you passed out in the bathroom to get that door open (lol).

Clark Kent

I always thought it was real funny that nobody knew that Clark Kent was Superman. Just because Clark wore glasses, nobody could tell he was Superman. If he was in his office sitting at his desk with his glasses off and somebody walked in, he would put on his glasses really fast. My friend at work broke his glasses the other day so he came in without them. I still knew it was him. I wasn’t like, “who is this guy?”

Two things happened to me that made me wonder if this glasses thing could work for Superman. I’m at work the other day in the break room, I have my iPOD on and I took off my glasses cause I was reading a magazine. My friend walked into the break room and walked right by me without looking at me. Then he came back and was looking at me funny. He said, “I didn’t know it was you without your glasses.” Another time I’m in the break room, it was lunch time. I had my glasses off, somebody sat down by me and said “I didn’t look the same without the glasses on.”

Still, if I saw Clark Kent with his glasses on, first thing I would say is, “It’s Superman.”

I Remember When

Comics were only 12 cents. And the double issues were 25 cents. They had the old fashion type of drawings, not these slick pages.

There were only eight teams in the NHL.

There was the American League and the National League. Winner of the American, plays the winner of the National in the World Series. That was it.

The Super bowl was played in the afternoon with only a one hour pregame show.

You could get dishes and glasses at the gas station with a fill up. Go back enough times and you can get a whole set.

There was no cable TV, so no FOX to screw us out of seeing the playoffs.

Bazooka bubble gum was a penny.

Stickball, punchball, boxball and stoopball was the only baseball I played.

The ice cream truck gave out 45′s. They sucked but it was free.

There was no remote for the TV. If you wanted to change the channel, you had to get up to do it.

The Wizard of Oz was on once a year and it was a big thing. Same for March Of The Wooden Soldiers.

In the summer when school was out, my parents would kick me out of the house at 9am, call me back for lunch at 12, kick me out again till 5 for dinner, then kick me out again till it was dark. I was never in the house, I played ball all day.

Nobody was bigger then Mickey Mantle.

I remember the 69 Mets winning the World Series. It was a miracle!

Gas Prices

There’s three gas stations, all in a row on me on the main road. Two of the stations are selling gas for $2.99 and the third for $3.39. The one that’ s selling gas for $3.99 always has cars in it filling up. It makes no sense. Why pay $3.99 for gas when you can get it for $2.99.

I want to go into the $3.99 gas station to see whats going on there. Why are people going there, but I’m afraid to go in. I have a theory. This is like “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.” Once you go into there, they grab you, put you in a pod and have a double come out and you have to buy gas there all the time. They probably sell stuff in the store for more money also, and you got to buy all your stuff from there.

One Nation Rally

These are the people that want to save the earth. Ride bikes, recycle, cut down on energy. What do they do, they have a rally and leave their garbage all over the place. Like a bunch of pigs who can’t clean up after themselves.

People like this always crack me up. They like to tell other people what to do, then they do the opposite.

Fear The Beard

I caught the end of the Giant-Padres game last night. Giants bring in a reliever that has a beard that looks like it’s painted on. When I saw the guy first thing I said is, “that’s some thick beard.” Then they showed signs in the crowd that said “Fear The Beard.” I didn’t catch his name but they showed his stats. He had 60 something saves. They said it was one short of the record. I knew the Padres were in trouble when he came in.

Let the Playoffs begin! I’m on vacation the week of Oct.25th, the week of The Series. Working at night I haven’t seen a weekday Series in 7 years. So I figured, what the hell. Seems like a good week to take off. If I’m lucky, The Yankees will be in the Series.

My fantasy baseball team lost in the finals. I can’t complain, I finished 2nd and got beat by the 1st place team.

This is my second year of playing Fantasy Baseball, and I love it. It keeps me in touch with all the players around the league and I get to play manager and GM.