Way To Piss Off The Majority

of American’s that voted for Hillary Clinton.
                  “I’m your next president.”

Stupid People On The Radio

I know, there’s a bunch of them. If you don’t agree with them, they’re stupid.
But some people are real stupid. I’m listening to the college radio station in my car before. A talk show starts and the guy is talking about the Presidential election and how he’s trying to make sense out of it. Dude, if you can’t figure this out by now there’s no hope for you. He goes on to say how he listens to MSNBS and CNN and every once in awhile he’ll checkout FOX. Then he goes on to say that FOX is the problem cause they agree with Trump and defend him all the time.
I have no problem with that. He’s right. You know what FOX is. A right wing channel. What this guy fails to realize, and what bugs me is that MSNBC and CNN are left channels. He thinks they’re down the middle.
These channels aren’t news channels. They’re entertainment channels. They say a little of the news then comment on them for your entertainment.
As long as you see this, you’re fine. If you hate one channel and love the other, you got problems.

How The People Made The Media Cry

I saw videos of MSNBC when Trump won and they were in tears there.
I thought they were crying because Trump won. Now I’m not so sure. I think they might have been crying because they didn’t sway the people to vote the way they wanted.
News shows used to report the events. We don’t have news shows anymore. We have propaganda machines where they keep on saying the same thing over and over trying to brainwash the public.
People are wising up now. They don’t care what celebrities saying or who they’ve voting for. Cause people now know that celebrities are dumb asses. Just because they make movies, or music, doesn’t make the rocket scientist.

My Immigration Policy

I came up with this idea for the illegal  aliens that are in the USA that nobody ever mentioned. Maybe there’s a major flaw in it, that’s why it was never brought up.
This plan can make everybody happy, or nobody happy but I think it’s fair.
First thing you have to do is secure the boarder. Build a wall, or fence or more guards, whatever. The boarder has to be secure or we’ll be in the same mess down the road that we are in now.
I’m gonna use simple numbers to make it easy. Let’s say there’s 10 million illegals in the country. No criminals, law-abiding people. Give them a path to citizenship.
Then say if the US takes 1 million legal people from Mexico. Stop all legal immigration from Mexico for 10 years to make up for the 10 million illegal immigrants the US are making legal.

Bernie and Testicular Foritude

 If Bernie had any balls, he would show up at the DNC and rip them a new asshole. I don’t think he will though. Cause in the end…………………………….he’s just a politician like the rest of them.

George Brett / Hillary Clinton

George Brett and Hillary Clinton have something in common. They were both guilty and got away with it.

LETTERMAN'S TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT

#10.  I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my German Shepherd.

#9.  I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't.

#8.  I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7.  I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6.  I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.  I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5.  I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4.  I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves.  They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2.  I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

… And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America.  We don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.

Mayor Dumbo

The Count gives Mayor Dumbo five reasons the NY Marathon should not be run. 5. Couldn’t  two thousands cops be put to better use, like maybe helping people with no power.
4. Gonna look good on TV to see the runners run by destroyed houses.
3. People that have no water will be attacking the people handing out free water to the runners.
2. Nobody will be able to cheat and take the subway cause it’s flooded.
1. You don’t want to make yourself look bad.

Al (It's too High) Gore

Can anybody be more dumber then him? Maybe the people that believe him.
He said the reason that Obama did so bad in the debate was because he got to Denver two hours before the debate and the high altitude got to Obama.
Maybe if Obama got there a day or two earlier and did his homework, he would have done better.
He should just quote Leon Russell:
“ohh the altitude
seems to get to me”

Dune

When I worked in Manhattan (1980 -2001) I did a lot of reading, mostly on the Long Island Rail Road.There used to be this guy who had a table out on the corner by J&R Music World (by City Hall). He had paperback books for one dollar.
Even though I read the “Dune” series, I picked this up for one dollar. It was printed in 1965. I bought it for the cover. I love those Sci-Fi covers from the 60’s and 70’s.

Arlo Guthrie - Alice's Restaurant

Lois, and the Kryptonian Klap

Do you believe this comic!? If something like this came out today there would be a major uproar over it.
First of all, I didn’t know Superman could get sores. He has a super immune system to fight this kind of stuff.
Then I got to thinking, this isn’t regular klap, it’s kryptonian klap. One of Superman’s enemies had to infect Lois someway to give it to Superman.
But wait, I didn’t know Superman and Lois, you know………………did it.
Or maybe, Lois is just a Superhero groupie. She gets around more then Herman Cain.

Sean Lennon

Here’s a good one. Sean Lennon down on Walls Street. The guy is worth 45 zillion dollars. He’s not even in the one percent, he’s beyond that.
Good thing he comes from a mother who’s family is in the banking business, and who’s father was a Beatle or he would have to get a real job.

Ponzi Scheme

I was talking to a couple of people the other day about Social Security. They all said the same thing, “it’s a ponzi scheme.” So I asked them what a ponzi scheme was. Either they gave me the wrong answer or they didn’t know. It just goes to show that people repeat what they hear on TV.

Anthony Weinergate

This couldn't happen to a nicer guy. He reminds me of a person who know everything and he's right and everybody's wrong.
So he comes on TV and lies. Says his account was hacked into. It's possible, stuff like that happen. But then they ask him if the picture of his crotch is his. He says, he don't know. This is where it starts to fall apart.
There's three things here;
1. account was hacked into
2. he sent the pictures
3. not sure if the pic of the crotch is his
Now I can understand if the picture was  taken straight on, you might not know. If you are in  a gym and some perv has a camera taking pictures, you don't know the pic was taken so you might not recognize yourself. This crotch pitcher was taken looking down. So you know if you took the picture. After you took it you would probably look at it to make sure it came out good.  Yet Weiner says he didn't know.
Since he said he didn't know if it was him or not, it also meant it could have been him. What's he doing with pictures of his crotch on Twitter? You mean he wasn't smart enough to make a fake account if he wanted to do that.
If you use math you could have figured out he sent the pics:
hacked 33 1/3 %
did send 33 1/3%
don't know if it's him (this means, it's him) 33 1/3%
Add them up 33 1/3% hacked, 66 2/3% sent them
Here comes the best part. He's not sure if some of the girls he sent the pictures to were over 18.
There must be something in the water in New York. First Elliot Spitzer, now Anthony Weiner.