I Don’t Get It

I had my friend over for dinner the other day. The recipe called for three cups of water. I get out the measuring cup,fill it with water and pour it in. When I was done, I dried it off and put it away. My friend said, “aren’t you going to clean it off before you put it away.” I said, “why, I only put water in it. What do you want me to do, put more water in it to clean out the old water that was in it.” She just went on saying that I should clean it out, because it was used.
I don’t know. I don’t get it.

Johnny Trash

Is Baseball A Geeky Sport?

I was talking Fantasy Baseball with my friends the other day and I realized what a geeky sport baseball is. All we do is talk about stats and who has the better stats. One guy plays Moneyball, he goes with who has the best OBP. He stacks his team with them and he came in first, but lost in the playoffs.
Even if you know next to nothing about baseball, all you got to do is go to the rankings and fill your team with the best players available.

Ancient Aliens

One of my favorite shows is “Ancient Aliens.” I’m a big Sci-Fi guy so this is right up my ally. I believe that there’s other life out in space. We can’t be the only ones.
Some of the stuff they say makes sense and some, you got to ask yourself, “what are they talking about.” If a stone is above a certain weight and is used in a wall, it’s too big for humans to move it, so it has to be aliens who moved it with some kind of levitation device. They have no proof of this, but it as to be.
I was one episode and they had a bunch of stones in France called The Carnac Stones (no it’s not a Rock band). It’s a bunch of rocks lined up in a couple of rows for two miles. Nobody knows why they are there. Ancient Aliens says since they could be seen from the sky, they have to be some kind of marker for aliens in their ufo’s.
Now the way  I see this, if aliens are smart enough to travel 42,000 miles from planet Zippy to Earth, I’m pretty sure they don’t need a marker to go from Italy to France. There has to be some kind of GPS system built into their ships. If not, they’re going to have a long trip back home.

FM Underground

Ever wonder why back in the 70′s the DJ’s on FM spoke in that low deep voice? I know why. It was underground radio. They didn’t want the mainstream to hear them so they spoke really low. People that wee listening to FM at the time, really had to pay attention to hear what what was going on. If anybody besides the underground heard what was going on, they would have the FCC shut down the radio station.

John Lennon

Looking a little like John Lennon here.

Religion

I like when people say, “I’m not religious, but I am spiritual.” To mix them up, I say, “I’m religious, not spiritual.” Then when they ask me what I mean, I tell them I just go to church, sit there,  don’t pay attention, then leave.

Band On The Run

(from the Ralph Rumpelton Collection of Fine Art)