Somebody Put Out The Fire

I can’t believe The Torch died. What a way to go, getting killed by a bunch of giant insects. I don’t know what kind of insects but I think it was beetles. Paul and Ringo did him in.

Here’s how I would have done it. The Kingpin is in the room with a bunch of villains. He telling everybody that there is a bounty on The Torch’s head. When the meeting is over and everybody is leaving the room he says, “Last one out, turn out the light.” The last one to leave is Mr. Fire Extinguisherman. That’s how The Torch gets it. Mr. Fire Extinguisherman has The Torch trapped in the corner and lets him have it.

So now what happens to The Fantastic Four. Do they become “The Above Average Three?” Maybe they could do what The Rolling Stones did, just get a new guitar player. Finding somebody that can burst into flames will be hard so they might settle for somebody with high blood pressure.

They could get out of the Super Hero business all together and go into music and call themselves, “Richards, Storm and Thing.” “RS&T” opening for “CS&N.”

It’s they first time on stage and Thing says, “It’s hot as hell up here.” Then they launch in to a series of songs, “Light My Fire,” “Fire,” “The Heat Is On,” and for the encore, “Hunk Of Burning Love.”

Bob Dylan “At Budokan” Review

Picture it, Las Vegas, 1979. I walk into a cheesy lounge that has red velvet
wallpaper with black diamond shapes on it. A cheap oriental rug lays on the
floor. Old men smoking cigars, hair down to their collar and big sideburns,
trying to pick up young girls. From the stage I hear some Bob Dylan music. I
turn the corner and see the stage. Bunch of guys wearing leisure suits and three
backup singers in evening gowns. The lead singer is wearing a big gold belt
buckle. Is that the WWE champ? Can't be. They're playing "Mr. Tambourine Man"
now. Flutes? Who would put flutes in "Mr. Tambourine Man?" I get closer to the
stage. It can't be. It's Bob Dylan.
He does his set, then turns to the mic and in his best Elvis voice says, "Thank
you very much," then leaves.

The Deadly Mustard

Most nights before I go to work, I stop at the 7-11 to buy lunch. I see the same guy behind the counter every night. I get a hero, pick up three packs of mustard and a roll of Smarties.

When I get up to the counter to pay, I put the stuff down. The guy rings it up and asks me if I want a bag. Every night I get a bag. Why bother asking me, just put the stuff in the bag. He goes to put the sandwich and the Smarties in the bag and leaves the three packs of mustard out on the counter. I don’t know why he does this. So what I started doing is putting the mustard on the counter first, then the sandwich behind it. He passes right over the mustard and puts the other stuff in the bag and leaves the mustard on the counter. It’s the strangest thing. For some reason he refuses to put the mustard in the bag. I’m thinking that the next time I go, I’m gonna put the mustard packs on top of the sandwich. This way when he picks up the sandwich, hopefully the mustard packs won’t fall off and be stranded on the counter.