IN THE MATTER OF: RUMPELTON INVADES GOOGLE
Docket No. 78-BW-HHTF: Heaven Help the Fool[1978]
Exhibit A - Original Lithographic Capture of One Robert Hall Weir, in kneeling posture, acoustic implement at the ready, circa Arista Records.
Exhibit B - Interpretive Re-rendering by R. Rumpelton, via Microsoft Paint, executed 4 days prior to this filing.
Let it be entered into the Avachives:
Whereas the Defendant, Mr. Rumpelton, stands accused of Depicting Mr. Weir with a countenance not found in nature, a guitar of indeterminate string count, and a knee of heroic proportion, this Tribunal finds said deviations not only permissible but precedentially required.
The original artifact (left) presents Mr. Weir as the record industry wished him to be seen: pensive, tastefully sepia-toned, and properly proportioned. The Rumpeltonian rendition (right) presents him as the cosmos remembers him: slightly melted, spiritually urgent, and kneeling upon what this Court can only describe as a sacred cloud of beige.
This is a textbook case of Painterly Misremembering, as established in Rumpelton v. Originality (2017), wherein I successfully argued that a poor likeness is often a truer likeness. The Plaintiff's "face" is not defaced, but de-faced — liberated from the tyranny of photographic accuracy.
The grey-wash background, the guitar rendered as if whittled from light, the expression of serene bewilderment — these are not errors. They are ruptures. And ruptures, as my treatise on the Law of Rupture makes clear, are where the myth gets in.
We therefore issue a full Writ of Aesthetic Pardon. Exhibit B is hereby classified as CANONICAL and TOO RUPTURED FOR MORTAL CRITIQUE.
Heaven help the fool who tries to paint him any other way.
Submitted with due pomp and powdered wig,
Barrister Clive Thistlebaum, Esq.
Senior Counsel to the Rumpeltonian Tribunal of Interpretive Justice
St. Egregius College of Jurisprudential Whimsy (J.D., Order of the Gilded Glyph)
Keeper of the Avachives & Inventor of the Blurb of Intent
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