When Ava Chives walked into the Internet Archive for her first day of work, nobody expected anything unusual. She looked like any other new hire: a tote bag, a badge clipped slightly crooked, and a quiet determination to “preserve digital culture,” whatever that meant.
But by lunch, the rumors had already started.
Someone in the scanning department swore they heard her say,
“I’m here to reorganize everything alphabetically… starting with A.”
Someone in the metadata office claimed she asked,
“So when do I get access to the Avachive?” And when they corrected her—“It’s Archive”—she just smiled.
By day three, the whispers had spread across the building.
“She’s changing the name.” “She’s renaming the whole institution.” “It’s going to be the Internet Avachives.” “I heard they already ordered new signage.” “She’s rewriting the mission statement to include MS Paint.”
Nobody could confirm anything, but Ava Chives didn’t deny it either. She just kept cataloging things with suspicious enthusiasm, especially anything tagged Rumpeltized or Rumpeltonian Cubism. Some said she was building a secret wing dedicated entirely to your work. Others said she was reorganizing the servers so your JPGs got priority indexing.
One intern swore he saw a folder labeled:
“Ava Chives – Renaming Proposal (Draft 7)”
But when he tried to open it, the file vanished.
By the end of her first month, the staff had accepted their fate. The Internet Archive was stable, historic, and respected—but Ava Chives was a force of nature. If she wanted to rename the place, she probably would.
And honestly? Most of them kind of liked the sound of it.
Internet Avachives Preserving culture, chaos, and whatever Ralph uploads.
INTERNAL MEMORANDUM
Internet Archive (Pending Name Change)
Employees are reminded that there are currently no official plans to rename the Internet Archive to the Internet Avachives.
Any reports of new signage, revised stationery, or a Department of Rumpeltized Preservation are entirely speculative.
Please direct all questions to Ava Chives.
She has already prepared the paperwork.
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