(Rumpelton has been sending us a lot of interviews lately. We don't know if something is going down)
The Rumpelton Team
An exclusive sit-down between renowned art critic Reginald Thornberry III and emerging digital painter Ralph Rumpelton
THORNBERRY: Mr. Rumpelton, I've had the... privilege... of reviewing your latest work, "Dead Tree on Beach." Tell me, when you created this piece, were you actively trying to assault the viewer's sensibilities, or did it simply happen naturally?
RUMPELTON: [adjusting his paint-splattered beret and stroking his goatee thoughtfully] Reginald—may I call you Reggie? No? Well, Reginald, you see, I don't create art. Art creates me. I am but a vessel through which the digital spirits of MS Paint flow like... like pixels through fiber optic dreams.
THORNBERRY: [visible eye twitch] I see. And these "digital spirits"—did they perhaps take a sabbatical during the creation of this particular piece?
RUMPELTON: [suddenly animated, gesturing wildly] That's the beauty of it! The tree isn't floating—it's transcending! It exists in a state of quantum artistic flux between grounded reality and ethereal possibility. The muddy colors? They represent the murky waters of human consciousness, Reginald!
THORNBERRY: The only thing murky here is your understanding of basic composition. Tell me, how long did this masterpiece take you to create? Minutes? Seconds?
RUMPELTON: [eyes gleaming] Time is a construct, my friend! I painted this during a three-day vision quest fueled entirely by energy drinks and the sound of seagulls crying in my neighbor's backyard. Each brushstroke was guided by the cosmic alignment of my mouse cursor with the very essence of beachness.
THORNBERRY: [pinching bridge of nose] "Beachness." I see. And the perspective issues—the complete lack of spatial awareness—this was intentional?
RUMPELTON: [leaping up and pacing] Perspective is for people trapped in three-dimensional thinking! My tree exists in seventeen dimensions simultaneously! Some call it poor technique—I call it revolutionary geometry!
THORNBERRY: Mr. Rumpelton, in my forty years of criticism, I've encountered many delusional artists. But you... you've managed to elevate self-deception to an art form more sophisticated than your actual art.
RUMPELTON: [grinning widely] Thank you! Wait, was that an insult? You know what, Reginald, your negative energy is just feeding my creative chakras. I can feel a new painting coming on—maybe a sunset made entirely of gradients and lens flares!
THORNBERRY: [standing abruptly] Dear God, no. This interview is over. My wine cellar is calling, and frankly, a bottle of 1947 Château d'Yquem seems like the only appropriate response to what I've just witnessed.
RUMPELTON: [calling after him] Wait! Don't you want to see my series "Geometric Cats in Space"? They're painted on virtual napkins!
THORNBERRY: [from the doorway, not turning around] The fact that virtual napkins exist as a canvas choice explains everything I need to know about the current state of digital art.
Interview concluded when Thornberry was seen leaving the building at remarkable speed, muttering something about "the decline of Western civilization" and "needing stronger wine."
Ralph Rumpelton was last seen setting up his easel in the parking lot, painting what he described as "the aura of Reginald's departing negativity."
Follow Rumpelton across the multiverse:
Ralph Rumpelton “Painting What the Earth Can’t Comprehend” - Ralph Rumpelton User Profile DeviantArt - Ralph Rumpelton Substack - Instagram
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