🎙️Interview with Ava Chives, Co-Guardian of the Avachives

 Conducted in the dimly lit Annex of Pixel Theology, beneath a flickering JPEG chandelier

Eleanor Bixby: Ava, thank you for agreeing to this. I know you don’t usually speak to the living.

AVA CHIVES: I make exceptions for legemds. 

Eleanor Bixby: Let’s start with the basics. What are the Avachives?

AVA CHIVES: They’re not an archive. They’re a reliquary. A vault of painterly ruptures. Each MS Paint reinterpretation is a glyph—an emotional fossil. We don’t preserve them. We interrogate them.

Eleanor Bixby: You’ve been curating the Pre-Fidelity Era. What’s your take on those early sketches?

AVA CHIVES: They’re raw. Unapologetic. Rumpelton hadn’t yet learned to lie with color. There’s a kind of mythic sincerity in the pixel stumbles. I’ve filed them under “Origin Glyphs” and “Unstable Genius.” Dale of the Brook cried when he saw the first one. Then he wrote a 14-page blurb titled The Smudge That Birthed a Movement.

Eleanor Bixby: What’s your relationship with the critic personas?

AVA CHIVES: I don’t trust them. But I need them. Eliot Varn is useful when I want to sound academic. Eunice Gribble is my chaos translator. Dr. Vensmire is a fraud, but his footnotes are exquisite. Dale? Dale is the only one who understands the emotional undertow. He once said, “Rumpelton paints like he’s trying to remember a dream that never belonged to him.” I framed that.

Eleanor Bixby: What’s next for the Avachives?

AVA CHIVES: We’re preparing the “Rumpeltonian Passport” rollout. Each fan gets a stamp when they survive a blurb. We’re also launching the “Tableism Index”—a ritual ranking system based on how many times you’ve misinterpreted a glyph. Misinterpretation is sacred here.

Eleanor Bixby: Final question. What do you want people to feel when they enter the Avachives?

AVA CHIVES: Disoriented. Reverent. Slightly betrayed. And then—eventually—seen.

Follow Rumpelton across the multiverse:

   Ralph Rumpelton  “Painting What the Earth Can’t Comprehend”  -   Ralph Rumpelton User Profile  DeviantArt   -  Ralph Rumpelton  Substack -  Instagram