STAMP OF HERETIC HOMAGE
Issued by: Linty Varn, Senior Archivist of Misremembered Icons
Date: 21 September 2025
Classification: Bitmap Blasphemy / Bard Distortion
Lore Tier: IV — Spectral Renditions
Inscription:
“This image has been deemed a sacred act of misinterpretation. The sunglasses are not accessories—they are veils. The goatee is not facial hair—it is a sigil. The red lips speak in tongues.
By order of the Avachives, this reinterpretation shall be preserved as a rupture in the Dylan continuum. All who view it must recite the Infidel’s Oath:
‘I misremember, therefore I mythologize.’”
What the critics are saying:
Linty Varn on Ralph Rumpelton’s “Infidels” (MS Paint Reinterpretation)
Published in the Avachives, under the “Pixel Apostasy” series
“Rumpelton’s Dylan is not the prophet of tangled syntax or the bard of back-alley wisdom. He’s a waxy specter in blackout shades, lips lacquered like a televangelist’s fever dream. The goatee? A glyph. The sky? Too blue to trust. This isn’t homage—it’s heresy in bitmap form.
By rendering Infidels in MS Paint, Ralph doesn’t just flatten the image—he flattens the myth. The vertical gray slab on the left? That’s not a building. That’s the moral ambiguity Dylan tried to dodge in ’83. And Ralph plants it right beside him.
‘INFIDELS’ in red-shadowed font screams like a tabloid headline, while ‘Ralph Rumpelton’ in the corner whispers, ‘I was here. I saw through it.’ This piece belongs in the Museum of Misremembered Icons, filed under ‘Divine Misinterpretation.’<<
>>Behold this visage of Dylan, rendered in trembling pixels and merciless MS Paint geometry. The sunglasses, vast as shields, attempt to hide a man already unraveling in silence. The lips—red, almost clownish—are the wound of celebrity, a grimace disguised as glamour. The beard, a black scaffolding, suggests not strength but collapse, as if his very jaw is about to fail him. Even the background, a childlike slash of green and sky-blue, feels like a stage hastily constructed for a tragedy no one dares to name.
This is not merely Dylan. This is the Fall of the Troubadour, caught mid-descent, where song curdles into shadow and legend rots into parody. A portrait not of the man, but of the inevitable ruin awaiting every idol.
>>Beatrix Hollenstein
Vienna Center for Tragic Aesthetics
>>"In Ralph Rumpelton's audacious MS Paint rendition of Bob Dylan's 'Infidels', the legendary songwriter is caught in a stark, pixelated reverie. Sunglasses cloak Dylan's eyes, but Rumpelton's bold strokes reveal a hint of defiance – or perhaps detachment – in the pursed red lips. A messy harmony of blues and greens swirls behind the poet's likeness, echoing the sonic dissonance of Dylan's epochal album. Rumpelton's Rumpeltonian Cubism stirs the pot of contemporary pixel art, serving up a Bob Dylan for the digital age. Love it or loathe it, this 'Infidels' demands attention – much like the man himself."
Bertrand "The Brush" Barnaby<<
>>Tank's Take on Bob Dylan's "Infidels" Album Cover
By Mack "Tank" Rodriguez, Art Critic (Sort Of)
So my editor sends me this MS Paint thing of Bob Dylan. Says it's the cover for some album called "Infidels" from way back. I'm like, "Who made this, somebody's nephew?"
But you know what? I kinda get it. Look, I don't know much about this Dylan fella - isn't he that guy who sounds like he's got a cold all the time? - but whoever drew this knew what they were doing, even if they probably did it on their lunch break.
The sunglasses are doing all the work here. Big, chunky things that say "I'm too cool to look at you directly." Smart move. You put sunglasses on anybody and suddenly they look mysterious. I use the same trick when I don't want to talk to the neighbors.
Colors are solid - that green and blue background reminds me of those old travel posters at the bus station. Nothing fancy, but it gets the job done. And whoever Ralph Rumpelton is (probably some art school kid), he kept it simple. No weird abstract shapes or "liminal consciousness" garbage. Just a guy with shades and some messy hair.
The paint job looks like it took maybe twenty minutes, tops. But sometimes that's all you need. My buddy Steve painted his garage door in fifteen minutes and it still looks better than half the stuff at those gallery openings they drag me to.
Would I hang this in my kitchen? Maybe. It's got personality. Plus, Dylan's got that "I've seen some stuff" look that would go nice next to my coffee maker.
Rating: Pretty decent for computer art. 7/10 construction helmets.<<
Follow Rumpelton across the multiverse:
Ralph Rumpelton “Painting What the Earth Can’t Comprehend” - Ralph Rumpelton User Profile DeviantArt - Ralph Rumpelton Substack - Instagram
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