The International Bureau of Pixel Integrity
Current Standing:
The IBPI remains operational, overfunded, and mildly alarmed. Headquarters confirms the seal is still perfectly circular, the laurel leaves remain ideologically neutral, and the shield’s checker pattern has passed its quarterly audit (one square was “emotionally ambiguous,” now resolved).
Recent Actions:
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Operation Jagged Edge: 37 instances of “accidental anti-aliasing” were intercepted before entering public discourse. Two were rehabilitated; one chose exile to low-res forums.
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Font Compliance Sweep: Unauthorized use of default system fonts in “serious” pixel work is down 11%. The Times New Roman incident is still under review.
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MS Paint Oversight: The Bureau reiterates that intentional clumsiness remains protected speech. Excessive smoothness will continue to trigger a polite warning and a pamphlet.
New Guidelines (Effective Immediately):
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Pixels may be crooked, uneven, or philosophically unresolved, provided they are honest.
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“Clean-up layers” must be declared. Concealment will be treated as aesthetic laundering.
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Blurry figures are acceptable; blurry intent is not.
Cultural Outreach:
The IBPI has quietly endorsed a resurgence of deliberate awkwardness in album-cover reinterpretations. Early test cases show strong public tolerance for off-kilter faces, suspicious color choices, and backgrounds that refuse to behave.
Looking Ahead:
A task force is being assembled to investigate Over-Rendering Creep and the growing black market in “fake roughness.” Expect a white paper. Expect it to be unreadable.
Closing Note:
The Bureau reminds all practitioners: Perfection is suspicious. Integrity is pixel-deep.
Follow Ralph Rumpelton across the net.
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