Tuesday, July 14, 2026

BREAKING: Threads Attempts To Silence Ralph Rumpelton!

 In a shocking development, the social media giant has temporarily removed the world's leading practitioner of Rumpeltonian Cubism from its platform. Sources close to the Rumpeltonian Archives claim the reason was "excessive accidental expressionism."

"We cannot allow these distorted faces, questionable guitars, and suspiciously colorful backgrounds to continue," an imaginary Threads spokesperson said.

Ralph Rumpelton responded: "I am innocent. I tell you, innocent! The paintings painted themselves!"

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BREAKING: Rumpelton Vindicated — Triumphantly Reinstated to Threads!

 In a stunning reversal, social media giant Threads has fully restored access to Ralph Rumpelton, the reclusive master of Rumpeltonian Cubis...