In a stunning reversal, social media giant Threads has fully restored access to Ralph Rumpelton, the reclusive master of Rumpeltonian Cubism, following an internal review process sources describe as "brief, but humiliating."
The artist, who was previously accused of "excessive accidental expressionism," was cleared of all charges late this morning. A Threads spokesperson, reached by nobody, issued the following statement: "Upon further review, we have determined that the distorted faces, questionable guitars, and suspiciously colorful backgrounds do not, in fact, pose a threat to public safety. We regret the inconvenience and the selfie."
Rumpelton, speaking through an associate as always, offered a characteristically measured response: "I never doubted the system. The system doubted itself. And also me. But mostly itself."
Reaction from the Rumpeltonian Archives has been jubilant, with several unnamed sources already calling for a commemorative piece marking the occasion — tentatively titled Self-Portrait, Vindicated, With Neck Issues.
The artist could not be reached for further comment, as he was reportedly already back to painting.
Long Live Ralph.........Be Dead or Alive
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