Tank Rodriguez's first exhibition placard reads: "This Room: Bunch of Old Paintings That Are Apparently Worth More Than My House"
Tank's Revolutionary Curatorial Approach:
- Exhibition titles: "Paintings of Fruit That Don't Look Rotten" and "People Standing Around Looking Fancy"
- Audio tour commentary: "So this Van Go guy... Vincent, I think? Yeah, he cut off his ear. Wild stuff. Anyway, look at all those swirls. Makes you dizzy, right?"
- Gallery layout philosophy: "Put the biggest ones where people can see 'em when they walk in. The small ones go over there by the bathroom."
- Artist statements rewritten:
- Original: "An exploration of post-industrial alienation through deconstructed figurative representation"
- Tank's version: "Guy felt sad about his job, painted some weird-looking people"
- Press release quotes: "We got some real nice stuff here. Come check it out. Parking's free on Sundays."
- Donor relations: "Thanks for the money, Mrs. Henderson. That bronze horse thing you donated is... it's definitely something."
Surprisingly, attendance quadruples because visitors finally understand what they're looking at.
The art world is baffled but can't argue with the numbers. Tank's motto: "If I can't explain it to my brother-in-law over a beer, it probably doesn't belong here."
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