by Junebug Scumble, Interdimensional Correspondent
OAKDALE, PLANET EARTH* — For years, Ralph Rumpelton was thought to be a mild-mannered creative from Long Island. But recent transmissions suggest he may, in fact, be a time-slipping cowboy-oracle funneling cosmic truths through the forgotten medium of Microsoft Paint.
His latest digital fresco, titled Mr. Fulton Waits, is believed by fringe analysts to contain encoded coordinates for both the launch site of a ghost steamboat and the emotional coordinates of the Beach Boys’ 1973 Carl Wilson. “We think the pixels form a kind of harmonic map,” said Dr. Jazzlene Cactus-Holt, head of Subconscious Cartography at the Institute for Lo-Fi Revelation. “One viewer reportedly burst into tears and then successfully parallel parked for the first time in ten years.”
Rumpelton, who communicates exclusively via blog blurbs and cryptic yodels, was last seen uploading what appeared to be a minimalist portrait of a harmonica-shaped galaxy being saluted by a cactus in a bolo tie. “He’s painting feelings we haven’t invented names for yet,” one Reddit user commented before spontaneously buying a banjo.
An upcoming MS Paint series is rumored to involve a haunted general store, a yodel so powerful it loops time, and a speculative map of the Western frontier as imagined by a sentient prairie dog.
Critics remain baffled. Rumpelton remains unbothered.
No comments:
Post a Comment