Fall of Civilization

I knew the world was going to hell in a bucket when they started putting chains on bank pens. Remember going to the bank and the pens would have no chains on them and they would be in the right spot every time. Then one day I went to the bank with my parents and there it was, the pens were attached to chains. It was a big deal at the bank, people were talking about how the pens were being stolen.
Now, I can see a bank robber stealing money from the bank, but to take pens that people used every day was a real crime.

Mia Farrow

Well, Mia Farrow is going on a hunger strike in support of the people of Darfur. I think it's great to take up causes but lets look at this "hunger strike." She gained 9 pounds before she went on it. Is this like training for a marathon where you run every day. I'm gonna go on a hunger strike so I better gain weight, so at the end of the strike, I'll be the same weight as when I started.
Mia is going to strike for 21 days if she can last that long. I thought part of the idea behind a hunger strike was "I'm gonna get what I want, or die." Not, "I'm gonna get what I want, but if my health gets bad, I'll come off it."
I can get what she's trying to do but it makes her look like it's all about me.

Pink Yankee caps

Can you believe that people wear these pink Yankee caps? And the people that wear them walk around all tough looking, like "It's my pink Yankee cap, what are you gonna do about it."

I just came back from a bunch of stores. I wanted to get a Yankee hat for around 15 dollars. All they had in that range was, pink, red, green, and hats with stripes. Everything but a regular blue Yankee caps.

They had blue ones alright, if I wanted to spend 40 dollars. Noway I'm going to spend 40 dollars for a cap. I don't care how official it is.

Bon Jovi

Bon Jovie is suing cover bands that have names similar to theirs. They just stopped a girl Bon Jovie cover band called Blonde Jovie from using the Blonde Jovie name cause it was too close to Bon Jovi. Like people can't see it's five girls up there on stage.
So from now on if you ever get sued, you can say you "Been Jovied."