Silver cars

I posted about this before. Lots of people where I live have a silver car. I don't know what's so great about silver. Do they think when they go to trade it in they're going to get more money? Here you go Mrs. Roberson, $15,000 for your car. If it was a white car, I would have only given you $200 for it, but this is a real silver car.

Anywho

Ever listen to people and they use the expression, "anywho?" They'll be talking, stop to pause, then say "anywho" and go on. Whenever they say that I just give them a look like they said something stupid. It makes no sense at all.
It's like the people who say something then say "you know what I mean." I always say, "no." Then with me saying no, they should explain what they said. Instead they go on like I never said anything. Every time they say "you know what I mean," I keep saying no. After awhile it gets funny cause they don't even know they're saying it.

Winning Home Runs

God willing I made through another day! There's a trend in baseball that's really funny. Whenever somebody hits a winning home run the whole team got to home plate to greet him. Then when he crosses the plate, the team hugs and jumps up and down. I think they rehearse this cause I never saw anybody out of step. For once I like to see somebody out of sync and have the whole team beat up on him.

God Willing

Ever talk to people in their 60's and 70's and say to them, "I'll see you tomorrow." They reply, "God Willing." It got to the point where I ask these people if they expect to die tonight. Hey, you never know they say.
Well I do know. These people are going to live to be 180 years old. I know somebody who is in his 80's but looks like he's in his 50's. Not a wrinkle on him, all his hair and thin. He walks everyday. Every time I see this guy he tells me he don't have long to live. I'm sick of hearing it. He wants me to tell him what great shape he's in, but I don't anymore. I got a couple of things that I want to tell him, but because I don't want to hurt his feelings, I won't.

The Muffin Man

I used to work with somebody that would recite Zappa's "The Muffin Man" all night long. He would walk up to you and say, "Some people like cup

cakes better. I for one care less for them!", then walk away.
To say this guy was strange was an understatement.
So, in honor of the strange guy who used to work with me, here it is, "The Muffin Man"

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Captain Beefheart (harp, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums)

The Muffin Man is seated at the table in the laboratory of the Utility Muffin
Research Kitchen... Reaching for an oversized chrome spoon he gathers an
intimate quantity of dried muffin remnants and brushing his scapular aside
procceds to dump these inside of his shirt...
He turns to us and speaks:

SOME PEOPLE LIKE CUPCAKES BETTER. I FOR ONE CARE LESS FOR THEM!

Arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully charged icing
anointment utensil he poots forths a quarter-ounce green rosette (oh ah yuk
yuk... let's try that again...!) He poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosette
near the summit of a dense but radiant muffin of his own design.
Later he says:

SOME PEOPLE... SOME PEOPLE LIKE CUPCAKES EXCLUSIVELY, WHILE MYSELF, I SAY
THERE IS NAUGHT NOR OUGHT THERE BE NOTHING SO EXALTED ON THE FACE OF GOD'S GREY
EARTH AS THAT PRINCE OF FOODS... THE MUFFIN!

Girl you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'

Girl you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a result of him stuffin'

Bruce Fowler on trombone, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax, and lead vocals,
Terry Bozzio on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, Denny Walley on slide, George Duke
on keyboards, Captain Beefheart on vocals, and soprano sax, and madness. Thank
you very much for coming to the concert tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. Goodnight
Austin, Texas, where ever you are.