Words Of Wisdom From Gorn

The Church

I was talking to my friend today and she was telling me that she goes to church when she can. She asked me if I go to church. I told her I haven’t been to church in over thirty years.
The last time I went to church was for a baptism. It was a hot sunny day and I had to drive to southern Jersey. I got there late and the mass was going on. It’s very hot and there’s no wind blowing. I go walking into the church and see an easel on the right inside the doorway. I walk in on the left side not to hit it. As soon as I walk into church, the sign falls off and the easel falls down. Mass stops and everybody turns around to look at me. Everybody thinks I knocked it over. I was nowhere near it. I made sure I didn’t go near it. Now everybody had to watch me pick the stuff up and put it back together.
I know who did it.

What A Place To Put The Label

The Great Book Purge

I love to read. When I worked in Manhattan, I went through two books a week. I read mostly on the train.
Since I live in a small co-opt, I don’t have much room. So I turned my walk in closet into my library. I have my books and music in there. Unfortunately it’s gets crowed in there and I had books all over the place in there.
There were two times I gave away a bunch of books. Now whenever I see a book on the net that I used to have, it pains me. See, if I had a bigger place I’d make the basement into my personal space and have bookshelves all over the place in there. Even if I don’t read the book again, I can look at the cover and remember what the book is about.

Ever Notice

Ever notice that the people that never did drugs in their life are the first people to make drugs jokes and act like they’re high.

Way To Piss Off The Majority

of American’s that voted for Hillary Clinton.
                  “I’m your next president.”

The Scary Tree

The co-opt where I live installed new lights outside the building. They happen to be right outside my bathroom window. They’re so bright I don’t have to turn on my bathroom light.
I sent an email to the girl that lives upstairs from me and asked her what she thought of the lights. She said she don’t need a nightlight in her bathroom anymore. She asked me why they did it. I told her for two reasons:

1. For safety.
2. So people can watch me take a shower.

It’s so bright, I don’t turn on the light in the bathroom when I take a shower.

Stupid People On The Radio

I know, there’s a bunch of them. If you don’t agree with them, they’re stupid.
But some people are real stupid. I’m listening to the college radio station in my car before. A talk show starts and the guy is talking about the Presidential election and how he’s trying to make sense out of it. Dude, if you can’t figure this out by now there’s no hope for you. He goes on to say how he listens to MSNBS and CNN and every once in awhile he’ll checkout FOX. Then he goes on to say that FOX is the problem cause they agree with Trump and defend him all the time.
I have no problem with that. He’s right. You know what FOX is. A right wing channel. What this guy fails to realize, and what bugs me is that MSNBC and CNN are left channels. He thinks they’re down the middle.
These channels aren’t news channels. They’re entertainment channels. They say a little of the news then comment on them for your entertainment.
As long as you see this, you’re fine. If you hate one channel and love the other, you got problems.

Group Selfies

What is it with group selfies? You take a bunch of people, somebody stands in front of them and takes a  picture and everybody either looks normal or bored.
That same group will take a group selfie and they act like idiots.

Getting High

“I don’t smoke weed anymore. I get high naturally. I hang around the pot farms and smell the air.”
                                                                Zapple100